get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize