she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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