when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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