She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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