I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
