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i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
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