my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
