You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
