i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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