first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
