No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
even my farts smell like vagina
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
