I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I would ride that face into the sunset
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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