U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
how drunk are you?
Several
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
