is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize