Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
