Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
