I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
