Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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