my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
