Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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