DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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