I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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