I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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