Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
