Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
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