any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now