then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet