the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
