I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?