AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
