So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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