I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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