dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
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I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
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I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize