So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
well you can't waste a boner
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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