she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Randomize
