she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
