Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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