My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
