Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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