I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
