If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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