so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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