She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
