As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
