What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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