Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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