Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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