I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize