I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
