Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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