fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
