New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
