Taylor Swift is so right about you.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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