Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
