please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
