all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
