3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
