Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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