I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm going to jail i love you
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
