her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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