He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
im drinking this country out of the recession.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
