make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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