I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
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I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I think I just sharted jello shots
So. Much. Porn.
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