he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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