Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
