Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
