her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
