I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
