i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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