girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
