Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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