before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
