I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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