I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
