Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
