why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
