I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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