somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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