By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
