My cat gives me a boner
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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